scenes from october-november

gary and lij at storytime on tuesdays. g has lij, the x-factor, to sweat it out with... and i have a half day to look forward to. you'd never think daddyhood would be so well accepted here. we've found more support for him staying home than what we thought was expected: dad-has-job-for-sake-of-it-and-pays-nanny-equivalent-wage. phone pics i receive during my day remind me i'm truly blessed.

luci always complains that her brother is a copycat. we just call him "the parrot" because he mimics/reiterates everything we say, even if it's not what he wants. g bought lij the superman outfit (trying to get him out of the 'i want to wear thomas the train again' mode). when luci saw lij dressed up, she insisted on being supergirl. who's the copycat now, we teased.


















i'm basking in the time i'm getting with my kids. like holding my patient schedule open for an hour so i could be in luci's halloween school parade to the hospital extended care unit. *lucky* that the school is so close anyway, and that they were parading towards me. or lij's new tradition of keeping me company while i get dressed in the morning. really, he just keeps going in and out of my closet, then goes to the bathroom drawer to play with my big fluffy powdered makeup brush.

for now, the countdown to simon continues...9 days max. i was putting luci to bed last nite, spooning of course, and she giggled, "i can feel the baby kicking my back!" the plan for this weekend... helping her draw St. Lucy and the Prophet Elijah on good paper (no lines).

countdown: 17 days max

i thought last nite was the real deal. i had a couple of hard contractions, the kind i always describe to my patients, but never seem to be able to handle myself. my stomach got tight, my back felt crampy, i got a huge wave of nausea and started breathing pretty hard. i started scoring it in my head... about a 6-7/10. so i told gary i was going to take a hot shower. he said, "umm... i'm going to be right here. i've heard that before!"

the last time this happened i went to take a hot shower with luci, who was only 2 at the time. then when i went to dry off the water kept coming. "Gaaarrrryyyyy myy water brooooooke!" *luckily* anna and eric were there. and big isaiah. the whole thing is hilarious remembering way back when. anna was cash. eric was... very supportive. i was losing my mind. it actually helps when someone is freaking out with you. love you dude.

so last nite i shaved my legs (which was a struggle), considered painting my toenails (which would be almost impossible), and lay down in bed... waiting... timing them... luci was worried, so she sat with me. i told her what "labor" is. she asked if simon would have a cute cry like her or an angry cry like lij. i woke up still thinking about the answer to that question. so for now, he's still cooking.

oh, here's to some geekiness. gary and i happened to both wake up at the same time. since we don't have clocks now, we can't tell what time it is unless we go to pick up our cell phone. gary looked out of the window, saw orion's belt and said, "probably 6-ish?" to which i responded, "well, it's more to the left, so maybe 5-ish?" he picked up his cell phone. 5:30 a.m. baby.

Quarterly Review

It's 12 in the morning ... and I can't sleep ...
Just realized the Earl Grey I drank was caffeinated.

My previous employers always gave
monthly or at least quarterly reviews.
Since I now work for myself (or at least Elijah:),
I thought I'd ramble about our first 3 months
here in Cheboygan:

Top 10 Observations
(as a newcomer to Northern Michigan)

10. Everyone waves. Whether shouting 'welcome to
the neighborhood' from their trucks or simply driving
down the dirt road - complete strangers acknowledge
us. We experienced the change moving from A2 to EL.
Even more so from Lans to Cheb. People just take the
time to treat you like a person.

9. Quiet is nice. God's voice (as in the case of Elijah
in the Bible) is heard in the silence. I joked with Mad
that God let's us have loud, boisterous children so
our souls can crave silence. It can get so quiet that I
get annoyed when I hear one of the 2 analog clocks in
our house tick. It's also comforting to know that there's
a city ordinance prohibiting "loud, vibrating music" from
emanating from a car or home that disturbs the public.
Ah ... South Lansing:)

8. Speaking of clocks ... we don't have them anymore.
We've got the 2 analogs that were kid's gifts, and the
microwave and range, our cell phones and my wrist
watch, but every room doesn't have a clock like it was
in Lansing. We had so little time then; every minute
was measured and stretched to get everything out of it.
Mad got her wish of being able to stop time.

7. "You have no events scheduled today." Google calendar
still sends me this reminder, which also used to forward
to my cell - it was the only way to remember where & when
I had to be. The 'events' I have 'scheduled' today would have
never made my calendar 6 months ago: get knots out of Luci's
hair, take Lij to story time at the library, learn how to cook
adobo, teach my daughter the difference between a dotted half
note and a whole note, build tracks that make trains jump ...
It was tough to come to the realization that we got through all
the events in the past 5 years by abdicating those events that,
for most people, don't count and yet, count the most.

6. I'm surrounded by salmon (and other fish). Lijah fights like one
and Luci's blankie smells like one. I can fish for them, and I get
better at this skill each time I go out. Almost confident enough to
say that I could feed my family, but it's still unsettling to see an
eviscerated fish flop around like he's still got a chance.

Jesus was a genius. Fishermen realize that it's not just about having
a good lure, or a big boat or even mild winds: you have to know the
fish you're fishing for. Jesus' first disciples would really need to know
this. And, there can be a lot of down time ... perfect for reflecting on
his Word, praying or [interruption] FISH ON! (means I've got one
on my hook, so get out of the way and go get the net)

5. Solidarity. One of JPII's big themes was this, early on with the
workers movement against Communism in his native Poland, and
later with regards to the question, "Am I my brother's keeper?"
Lansing had a population of around 360k. There's maybe 20k
up here. Workers at a local factory got laid off - like 5 of them. We
happen to know one of their spouses. We sold my old Tercel for
$500. Saw it parked in the Church lot before Mass a week later.
A guy who runs the local ice skating pavilion and gave me free passes
was holding the door for me at Luci's school for an event collecting
items for the local food pantry. This small community is an amazing
case study for the butterfly effect. It is for this reason that we try
to reinvest as much money as we earn back into this community that
has accepted us with open arms.

4. Street names. Families have been around here for so long that
they live on the street bearing their name. Newman. St. Antoine.
Woiderski. 200 years from now? Guevara Blvd. Point is: people that
are born and raised here will typically move away, but they always
come back. Most people we meet have local ties, spent time
'downstate' (I never understood this word until now) and move back.
I am beginning to (after a few years of pondering this) understand why.

3. Stars. I've just never seen so many. I woke up this morning and I
could see Orion's belt as clear as a Lite Bright outside my bedroom
window. Then I realized I could see even more from our driveway.
Since there are no street lights, it gets pitch dark out. A little scary,
but I have yet to encounter coyote or bears. Yet.

2. Woody. So we hear this rat-tat-tat-tat on our wall.
I think it's Lij with his spoons. Mad thinks I'm installing a shelf.
Luci and I stalk outside and see this black and white woodpecker
going to town on my house! I think it's cool, until I recognize his
handiwork on all four sides of our wooden siding. After talking with
some locals, I am now researching fake owls and air soft guns. For
now, I just bang on the wall. I have deadly aim with a pistol, but
I dig the idea of having woodpeckers spooked by fake owl eyes.

1. Mad & I have officially had more date nights over the past 3 months
than (seemingly) our last 5 years in Lansing. We've also instituted
couch time just about every night ... "no interruptions while mom & dad
talk." Luci's great about it; Lijah will just usually cuddle with the Simon
belly quietly. I gave my wife to that residency for a while; she gave me
to the Church. We used to have this check off on the refrigerator marking
the days until Cheboygan. It started off with nearly 200 boxes. I am
so thankful to the Lord to have her back and our family back in balance;
I pray that His Spirit would continue to balance us as we prepare to imbalance
ourselves again with Simon Dominic. Gotta love it.

Here's to sleepless nights and tired days
all in the name of bebes.

manila folder labelled "introspection" = ramblings

"thank you Daddy God for my food." it's 3am and i'm eating spaghetti. i've been up since 140 going through a pee-drink water-pee cycle. actually what got me up in the first place were a few contractions, which have left (for now) thanks to the liter i just drank. which means i will have to pee again in about 25 minutes. i've also been watching the kids sleep. they're so big now. but whenever i think of them i still think, "my BA-bies!!!" i was flat out sobbing staring at luci. not sure why. nothing sad/worrisome to think about except her growing up and keeping her soul on track and hoping she makes good friends and knowing that no matter what, as long as she loves God, she's going to be okay. a few weeks ago she announced to us, "you know... i think maybe one day i'd like to marry Jesus." "oh, okay..." we said, adding that visiting sister marita in the bronx would be a good idea, and maybe a couple of shrines along the way too. oh, and the sentence before that was, "i want to help the poor. maybe i can give away some of my toys and we can get them food..." but luci is already attracted to fashion and shoes and dark-haired boys (thanks a lot prince aidan and nutcracker prince and robert/prince edward and even the elfish looking guy on a zelda cartoon series we found on netflix.com). but somewhere deep inside her first imprinting, so to speak, has been her daddy - the first guy to whom all guys will be measured. her handsome zookeeper. DAH-dee. the guy from whom she will learn sacrifice, respect, and fear/love of God. no pressure, right g?

then there's my boy. i regret that i can't keep up with him. he's so full of non-stop zeal. he laughs hard, plays hard, kisses hard... i've never felt a painful eskimo kiss but i guess they do exist - in the form of a nose-aimed head butt. he can be gentle too. like when i come home and he says, "mommy i love you." or when i get dressed for work and he says, "mommy is princess?" and i say, "who's my prince?" "elijah." i always thought he would be more like me. when he was a baby he was so quiet and passive... he only gurgled and twitched when it was time for milk. he rarely cried/howled. but when age two hit he suddenly became LOUD. oh well. we were in church last weekend and when the Allelujah came he sang very very loudly (and off key a little), "AHHH-LLEEE-LUUUUU-JAHHHHHHHH..." i was a little embarassed, being in the hometown church and all, but then i wondered, why doesn't anyone else sing at mass with gusto, like we're experiencing the true presence of Christ, and the rafters are probably jam-packed with angels, and it's like being at the throne of God? apparently he also sings loudly outside of mass, like at storytime at the library, i guess he was the lead singer in "love grows..." and "the more we get together..." that's when i think - the genetics from g. i wish i had more energy to figure out my boy. he's so quirky. we liken him to a salmon - enjoyable, about 30 pounds, hard to wrestle down, stinky at times. like this evening, he wanted to take a long bubble bath. i told him he had to wait until daddy got home (school meeting). so he ran to the front window, looked for g's car, then went to the bathtub with all his clothes on and lay down flat with his red truck. waiting. i feel i only have a few weeks before my time will get divided yet again. for now i will cherish the sheer randomness of being with him. "oh mommy, i like harold ice cream it's so yummy watch in-gee-ana chones (indiana jones)?"

at 3am... wait... now 4am... i wonder why my head spins when life's equation really boils down to this: love God, teach your loved ones to love God, die in God's time, go to heaven with them. on this note... good night.

weekend recap

longer workweek over
we prepped for anti-proposal 2 community forum
why am i the spokesperson now? g is so much better at this...
100# of pumpkins at crusoe's apple orchard
cost = $20
weekend at grandma's for her 70th birthday
kids always blow out the candles...
g brings all the pumpkins in the house
luci draws the faces... and micromanages
but it all gets done
in time to play in the leaves
and swing by the "other" apple orchard for petting zoo and donuts
and drive the 40 minutes home instead of 4.5 hours
and nap
and eat spaghetti

missed out on the life chain this year...

(scenes from last year)











during my last month in lansing i was driving to a clinic on the other side of town. there was a random crack in the road, and out of that crack was growing a growth-stunted sunflower... it was still around 2-3 feet tall. drivers were going to all lengths not to hit this flower. there was swerving, honking, last second lane switching, and even a couple of rear-ended love taps. it made me wonder... how many of those drivers were pro-choice? just curious.

a warm fall evening on a school night!

luci said the sun was in her eyes... look-no stigmata! before getting ready for school we were snuggling on the couch. i was telling her about Padre Pio and how he had the wounds of Christ. luci said... "i love Jesus too... will Daddy God give me owies?" she glanced briefly at her hand and jumped because there was red marker on her palm.
luci helps her brother stand on a pedestal like a cherub.
elijah stops playing to say hi to "simon inside". i can barely see him over the belly. lij likes to take his little cars and run them over our legs, calling them "bridges". when he rolls toward my tummy he says, "oh mommy! big big hill!"
luci in the "froggie house." there's a long path through the tall grass where you eventually end up in a wooden structure that helps you overlook the park and shoreline. i suspect it's a bird-watcher's paradise. swans everywhere. frogs chirping. despite the loveliness of the setting sun, luci was taken aback by the graffiti. "why did people do this, mommy?"
then there's g... "uh, mad, can you put down the camera and help luci? i think she's falling..." oh yeah. uh... whoops.

the last weekend of summer

friday
got off work at 5:15
yummy dinner by g
kite flying by the beach
saw an honest to goodness pirate ship
or schooner
either way it looked spooky and had 3 masts
then set sail rather quickly
dairy queen
bible studyin' via webcam!
some horsing around in the toy room
lites out










saturday
family up at 7am
rounded at hospital for an hour
while gary played with the kids in the toys room
everyone in the car!
drove around mullet lake and ate lunch
apple orchard...
picked wildflowers with luci and lij
lij insists on his own bouquet
lij pulled the wagon
bought golden crisp apples, a new favorite
silence on the way home as everyone ate an apple
tried to find our house from the other side of the river
found all the big pimped out houses we see from our yard
2.5 hour family nap
lij behaved at Mass!
figured out how to make acorn squash in the microwave
saved the seeds for a future pumpkin/squash/sunflower garden
gary puts more thought into a compost pile/bait option
yummy dinner
luci and daddy had a piano lesson
read with lij
made banana bread with luci
luci helped me wash dishes too
everyone stayed up past 'bedtime' for warm banana bread and milk
luci and i drew pictures of ladies wearing grecian dresses
lij hugs his 'brother simon'
nite nite










sunday
in pajamas until 1pm
luci plays dressup in ridiculously huge pink dress
lij wants the pink dress so he can be a 'princess'
g says no
g finds armor in garage
thus lij can be St. Michael
lij sheds it immediately
luci puts on armor and declares herself Joan of Arc
shopping with luci
mom neri's special meatloaf recipe for dinner
willy wonka and the chocolate factory
bathtime...
which means i start the shower
luci comes in 5 minutes later and hogs the hot water
then luci and lij switch places
lij stands on the shower seat and sings "behind the clouds..."
he looks just like a cherub
gary takes them out one at a time and lotions them up
lu hates it... "too sticky and lotion smells like barbie feet."
lij loves it
falling asleep to the real stars outside and the "myuu"
which means "moon", but lij pronounces it like the physics coefficient

The Brilliance of Uniforms

Lucia and I always used to fight about what she should wear for the day.
My choices were always based on:
a. weather
b. activity
c. color coordination

Her choices appeared to be based on:
a. what makes her look most like a polly pocket
b. color coordination - as in, every color in a rainbow
c. what would most certainly clash with both weather and activity.

Now she wears a navy and white uniform to school just about every day.
When I asked which navy jumper (of the 3-4 varieties we have) she wanted to wear this morning:

"You pick, daddy."

Brillant.

happy birthday garyg

we had a pretty laid back day. g didn't want to do much. he got up at 630am and started cleaning out the garage. then we had a huge breakfast, followed by a trip to the farmer's market. we love to reminisce, "what would be doing 10 years ago? hmmm... that would make us 24 and 25... maybe we shouldn't go there." i've been so conscientious (at least i think) to make sure he's okay. i mean, stay at home dad isn't as glamorous as a bunch of other titles. i was putting our clothes away when we moved in, and i saw his huge necktie collection. i keep wondering, maybe someday he'll wear them again? i'm not quite understanding this role that God has us in. i have to get out there and be brave/extroverted. i have to speak up in the OR. i really don't like blood but i'm afraid to admit it, because i'm supposed to be okay with it. then g, dynamic and charismatic, takes on elijah as a full-time job... which has actually done wonders for his vocabulary and behavior. for you to feast your eyes on... a 9 inch rock bass that he caught on his last cast that evening. he has a good story to go along with it... hopefully he will *cough* blog about it because it's pretty profound.

the rest are some shots from luci's first day of school. remember that evening we spent on the beach too... it scares me to think i can't totally shelter her anymore. i know she's going to be laughed at someday. more than once or twice. there was a girl barking at her on the playground. she kept telling luci to stop following her but luci persisted. i felt my eyes go red and my breathing quicken when i heard the story. "why did you keep following her, luci?!" "...because i was waiting for her to apologize... and even though she didn't, i still pray to Daddy God for her... and i forgive her." oh boy. then on the third day of school she was petrified to use the bathroom by herself. apparently a girl turned off the lights while they were at the school bathroom. this girl told the story of "bloody mary" in the mirror. do you remember the story, kind of a variant of candyman. say her name three times and she appears and murders your parents if you tell. AND she's bigger than God... gary and i are still walking her to the bathroom. sigh. it doesn't matter if we say St. Michael guards us. she'll make us leave the dinner table to take her to the potty. gary exclaimed, "St. Lucy, can you go in there and wipe her butt?!"



the one thing i especial-ly cherish... i get to bring luci to school more days than not. i make it a point not to talk on the phone or turn on the radio. we comment on the sunrise, the mist over the river. we look for deer. we avoid the big dog down the road that is never on a leash. we laugh about how lij has this weird prediliction for sniffing gary's sneakers. he lays prostrate in our foyer comparing old sneaker to new sneaker. but thursday and friday mornings are my favorite, because they have all school mass in the chapel, so i get to see my little duckling for an extra 45 minutes before i see patients in the office. she always looks so worried, as if i've left. then when we lock eyes she blows me a kiss. and i try not to be visibly misty-eyed.

the beach has become a part of us

we celebrated lucia's first day of school by going to the beach. again. the forecast said it would be the last good day of summer. "how about it?" i texted gary excitedly. "prrrrhaps," he texted back. i returned home promptly at 5:15pm to find yummy chicken, steaming rice, and everyone in flip flops and swimsuits. 92 degrees. mmmm.

lucia actually fell asleep on the way there. gary carried her to the shoreline, where she promptly jumped out of his arms and into the water. 7pm. the currents started to form those sand mounds again. no breeze. the water was so still, like liquid mercury. a friend handed luci the most beautiful green frog. it sat in her hand for at least 20 minutes. when it was time to go she set it down in the grass, but it didn't move. "tickle its butt," gary instructed. she did. it didn't budge. "no! we can't keep a frog!" he protested... probably from my inadvertent puppy dog eyes.

elijah was freaking out because the minnows kept coming to his baby toes. "FISH!!!" he shrieked, dancing in circles. "all you have to do is stomp and they'll go away!" luci fussed over him.

the night before luci's first day of kindergarten, she walked on her favorite powder sand with her daddy. i burned that into my memory as i choked back tears. there's my girl, i thought. i remember when she was only 8 weeks old. we were at eric and anna's wedding, and i was tearful, thinking of her wedding day someday. it really does go by in a blink. gary was feeling nostalgic too. he told me he said, "luci... your mommy and i are so proud of you..." after a few minutes of listening to him go on and on, luci said, "ok. daddy? can we build sandcastles?"

the sunset was breathtaking, for two nights in a row. "remember this, kids," i whispered... "thank you Daddy God for this beautiful day." "but mommy, you're not in any pictures!" they commented. yes i am. i took them, and that's special too.

tonite it rains. so we celebrate with a new concoction: elephant ears! because i love you guys, here's the recipe. buy pillsbury crescent roll dough. butter it up, dip it into hot oil and fry it up. take it out, butter it up more, roll it in a mixture of sugar and brown sugar. eat up.

She prayed that we would pray

This morning, my Grandma Lily died in Cebu City, Philippines.
Her passing officially begins the era of our family without living great grandparents.

Prior to her myriad medical conditions that restricted mobility,
she often attended daily Mass and gatherings for novenas to Our Lady.
Devotion to our Blessed Mother was a real slow cook for me -
it wasn't until I realized her role in presenting the Lord to us
that her importance in my faith life grew.

All along, Grandma Lily prayed to Our Lady
that someday we, too, would place her mantle upon us.
And now we have a Guadalupe statue in our living room.

Thank you, Grandma Lily.

conversations with elijah

(after nap)
"elijah, mommy loooooves you!"
"...oh, reaaaallly?"

(at bedtime)
"oh! looky stars mommy! up in sky... like BIRDS!"

(faking hurt)
"oh, owie owieneedbandaid?"

(touching my belly)
"open up get simon out?"

(tracing my face with his finger)
"you're like toby square!"

(always when passing the field of hay and tractors)
"Jesus on the cross took our sins away..."

(reciting alphabet)
a b Jesus e f g
h i j k lmno c
u r x d u b
trouble-you x
y
and c...

7 years of wedded bliss...

15 years of knowing
5 years of bebes
4 addresses...

a glimpse of where and how we live now...
5 minute drives to the beach
25 cent Thomas the Train rides
...(okay it's a converted tractor but the impact is the same)
the moon in our bedroom window as bright as a beacon
...(shining right on sleeping elijah, us joking he's a werewolf)
the stars as vivid as a constellation map
fields of sunflowers and hay
baby turtles
a cloud watching hill in our yard
bluegills, perch, rock bass
seashell collections
a 150-year-old church

so much to capture...
one evening we went to the beach on a whim after church
it had thundered all morning, but for some reason the sun came out
we walked on the soggy shoreline
the water was amazingly calm and warm
and i FORGOT the camera! so i burned images into my mind...
luci and i found huge shells everywhere
how could that be on a lake and not an ocean?
the shallow water currents formed channels into the sand
minnows were getting trapped in those pools
also a slender peninsula of sand rose out of the water
and extended for about 12 feet from the shore
and when luci stepped onto it
she appeared to be walking on water
golden sunlight hitting her back
lij kept pointing at his sandy feet
"dirty!"
yet he chased the stork-like birds wandering around
"let's follow the chick tracks!" luci exclaimed
..."mommy, your footprints are sooo big!"

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