well... here we are. i blame it on gary's "let it rain" theme, but maybe this is the life God intended for us. i've considered myself faithful in general, but the more time i spend in that adoration chapel, the easier it is to hear His voice, even in the seemingly mundane. once i was staring out the back window at the neighbor's wall, the cathedral parking lot, the tower of history. He whispers, "yes you miss that river, but in this backyard is the River of Life."
point taken.
so how have things changed?
there's an unexplicable comfort i take in being so close to the church and school. when i actually had some time off i'd look out the window and know my ducklings were safely tucked inside those walls. luci would trot along in line on thursday mornings after mass. gary and i free each other up for 10 minutes at a time to spend in front of the Blessed Sacrament. and the things He says! once i begged Him, "will you please help?" He answered, "will you follow?"
i've never relied on the Holy Family as much as i have for the last several weeks. i believe i've always been closest to Mary and Jesus, but i've also found myself growing closer to St. Joseph and understanding his role. i've asked him truly to lead our household in the right direction, and of course, to help us shed our two mortgages. we had a teaser on his feast day... a couple actually fell in love with the cheboygan house, but couldn't afford it. already knowing what i was thinking, gary said, "remember Papa Joseph is taking care of their finances too."
all of this is helping me take stock (again and yet again) in what really matters. for example, we have no yard or parking spots, but we get to walk the kids to school, and there's plenty of room to play at the parks across the street. 60% of our belongings are in storage, but somehow i don't miss them. we only have one bathroom but the kids have started 'tubbing' together again in the 'biggest ever' clawfoot tub. it has helped me embrace what we're going through. "oh St. Joseph, 'love of poverty', help us shed what we don't really need in order to truly focus on Jesus."
if we can live like this... if we can get out from under our mortgages and pay off my school debt... maybe... maybe in 6 years i can retire? or at least not HAVE to work? although i know it's in His plan for me to continue saving babies and helping women... i doubt i'll retire anytime too soon.
